The Solution
Relationship Discussions & Advice with Columnist Lady Lucille

Question: I am in a relationship with a man that I intend to marry. We have been together for four years, during our second year we broke up for 6 months. During that time he had a short romance with someone else and has just learned about that relationship producing a child. My question is should I be willing to integrate this child into my life or give him his walking papers.

Answer: Decisions, decisions, so many decisions!!! Ultimately the decision to sign up as a step parent or relinquish your relationship is yours to make. No one can make it for you. Now in your question you said that you intend to marry this man, which implies that you have decided to sign up to be the step mom. With that, it is my advice to you to seek clarity on the new found dynamics of your relationship. As a co-parent, I believe that it is a good idea for you to meet the mother, to attempt establishing some type of civil relationship. Seeing as how you all will be permanent fixtures in each others lives, gaining some understanding as to where the child's mother is coming from may go along way toward maintaining lines of communication. At a minimum it will allow you to see what type of a woman she is so that you may deal with her accordingly. As for you and your mate, some ground rules should be established so that the potential drama that may arise may be kept to a minimum. At the end of the day it is important to love this child as if he/she were your own. Remember that regardless of the messes that the adults may make, the child is innocent in it all.

A final thought for you is this, be sure that your intention to marry is because you love this man and are prepared to weather any and every storm that may come. Marriage is a commitment that should not be entered into for the sake of saving face. If you have any reservations at all, know that it is better to pump your breaks now, than to say "I do" knowing that there is an heir of resentment in your heart because he has fathered a child with someone other than you. DO NOT be willing to take this huge leap for the sake of saying " I GOT THE MAN". In the end it will be much more complicated to walk away and it will be you that has been "GOT". Pride is a tough thing to swallow for some but, easier to recover from than divorce; both financially and emotionally.

Lady Lucille

Send Your Relationship Question(s) to Lady Lucille!
P.O. Box 3032 Cordova, TN 38088-3032
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